ABOUT ME

FIVE YEARS AGO I WENT TO CABO AND FORCED MY EX-LOVER TO TAKE A PICTURE OF ME WHILE I SMOKED A CIGAR BECAUSE I THOUGHT I LOOKED LIKE RODNEY DANGERFIELD AND NOW I REALIZE THAT I LOOK LIKE A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL WHO HAS NEGLECTFUL PARENTS

I FREQUENTLY DRESS AS A STEREO-TYPICAL HISPANIC MAN BEFORE I GO OUT IN PUBLIC TO PICK UP LADIES AND POUND THE VAJAY.

I WEAR POORLY MADE WIGS, STUFF SOCKS DOWN MY UNITARD, AND SING ” PROUD MARY” AFTER I HAVE HAD SEVERAL SHOTS OF WHISKEY AND OTHER ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES

I DYE MY HAIR STRANGE COLORS, WEAR HATS, AND FEEL THE BREASTS OF BRUNETTE TEENAGERS OUTSIDE OF THE CHILLIE’S RESTAURANT IN SIMI VALLEY

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