How to lose your mind in 10 minutes.

3 cheers for sexism!

Let me give you 90 minutes of your life back.

plot:

women like shoes and lipstick

men like sports and pussy

i fast forwarded the 45 minutes in the middle but i am pretty sure it’s a bunch of gags about how kate hudson pretends to hate sports and poker to make matty boy hate her.

they decide they are in love just before kate gets on a plane.

I puked.

If you want to watch this movie and enjoy it you will have to get a second vagina surgically implanted in your brain.

Ellen and Portia Wedding Video

If you don’t at least feel like crying, you have no soul.

A toast!! to blonde, lady-lovers who make money in their sleep

Their love is not of this Earth and when I grow up, I will be Ellen Degeneres.

Barack Obama: Presidential Candidate or Pop Diva?

you decide.

1st lesbian to get married passes away :(

Last June, Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon became the first lesbosaurus couple to get hitched. Yesterday morning, Ol’ Del passed away in San Francisco.

Del checked into a San Francisco hospital two weeks after a broken arm started fucking with her health. Kate Kendall of the SFGATE says that Phyllis was by her side up until she passed on.

“Del and Phyllis were a major part of the early movement for gay and lesbian rights. They founded the first lesbian organization, Daughters of Bilitis, in 1955. Del was also the founded member of several other organizations.” -DLISTED.COM

R.I.P. Del. I hope you’re having one hell of a Sapphic ball in the clouds.

Seth Green Film Festival in Los Angeles.

Attention people of planet nerdtastic,

your favorite shrimpy ginger celebrity is going to get his very own film festival.

The excitement begins on September 3.

SETH GREEN’S CINEMATIC CAVALCADE OF HORROR!

special guests TBA!!!

sept 3&4 ROBO COP & DIE HARD

sept 5&6 STRANGE BREW & BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA

sept 7-9 YOUNG SHERLOCK HOLMES & TBA

sept 10&11 THREE O CLOCK HIGH & STATE OF GRACE

sept 12&13 BEVERLY HILLS COP & TBA

sept 14&15 SUPERMAN & BATMAN

head on down to the New Bev this fall and enjoy.

I will be there along with hundreds of others who couldn’t play sports in high school.

7165 West Beverly Blvd, Los Angeles CA 90036

Going to the Chapel and we’re gonna get tax breaks.

“That’s right, George Bush. We refuse to let your puckered conservative stink-hole stop us from arguing about curtains and organic dogfood brands.”

Lesbo-knot tied.

Miley Cyrus is the product of Satan and Feces.

MILEY CYRUS makes me want to….

a

a) vomit for the rest of forever

b) smile and laugh while i buy her albums and have dance parties

c) drink until i am drunk enough to forget that Miley Cyrus is a person that exists in my reality

I know she is 15 and I know that she has unfortunate teeth but she also has about 7 million dollars and the power to make 3 year olds enjoy wearing  tube tops. This poll is the first step towards getting a unanimous vote that will inevitabley lead to her demise. So come on guys. Let’s extinguish the Hannah Montana Flame before I  get my tubes tied for fear of her influence on my future daughters and flamboyantly gay sons.

make your decision wisely.

Brad Pitt sexifying Legends of th Fall

Before there was Brangelina,

There was dirty, rugged Tristen Ludlow and a curly haired brunette.

Crazed youtube fanatic, Ljay211986 remembers just as well as I do. So celebrate Wednesday by watching Brad Pitt hump away at Susannah’s virgin pocket. I am sure that Ljay211986 sync’d up the naked fun to a good-old fashioned Celine Dion tune that will naturally distract and confuse you so you might want to turn down the volume.

my 1990’s Man Meat Countdown

Give  me A.C. Slater in a hypercolor muscle shirt and I will vomit from the excitement.

Without further adeu,

MY FAVORITE 90′S BEEFCAKES:

10. “WHEN I TALK TO LAURA SHE CREAMS IN HER PANTIES BECAUSE I AM JUST SO DAMNED SMOOTH. “

STEFAN URQUELLE

9. “WE DON’T POUND EACH OTHER’S BUTTHOLES WE JUST LIKE TO WORK OUT A LOT AND WATCH SPORTS IN BETWEEN TEARIN’ UP THE PUSSY, OF COURSE”

A.C. SLATER

AND OUR FAVORITE PREPPY BED-WETTER,

ZACK MORRIS

8.”MY COCK IS THE SIZE OF A FUCKING KEILBASA AND I DEFINITELY WANT TO BANG YOU WITH IT”

MARKY MARK

7. DUMB-AS-A-ROCK

JOEY LAWRENCE

6. OUR VERY OWN LOW-RENT BATMAN..

ANGEL

5. SEXY SCIENTIST TYPE AND RESIDENT SOFT-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN

DR. SAM BECKET

4. THE BIGGEST AND THE BEST OF ALL MOTORCYCLE DRIVING, 40-YEAR-OLD HIGHSCHOOL STUDENTS

LUKE PERRY.

3. “MY VEST IS ALWAYS OPEN AND 40 YEAR OLD BITCHES LOVE THAT SHIT”

HERCULES

2. ALL THE WAY FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS,

PACEY WITTER

and finally our #1 tortured, ” I secretly never learned how to read and my home life is dog shit” 90’s babe……

JORDAN CATALLANO

Lesbians can fight about taxes too!

It is with great pleasure that I announce,

Celebrity Lesbian Wedding Announcement #2

Every time a lesbosaurus gets married an Angel gets a pair of Birkenstock sandles and 4 earth-tone polo shirts.

-Belafonte