Ellen and Portia Wedding Video

If you don’t at least feel like crying, you have no soul.

A toast!! to blonde, lady-lovers who make money in their sleep

Their love is not of this Earth and when I grow up, I will be Ellen Degeneres.

Miley Cyrus is the product of Satan and Feces.

MILEY CYRUS makes me want to….

a

a) vomit for the rest of forever

b) smile and laugh while i buy her albums and have dance parties

c) drink until i am drunk enough to forget that Miley Cyrus is a person that exists in my reality

I know she is 15 and I know that she has unfortunate teeth but she also has about 7 million dollars and the power to make 3 year olds enjoy wearing  tube tops. This poll is the first step towards getting a unanimous vote that will inevitabley lead to her demise. So come on guys. Let’s extinguish the Hannah Montana Flame before I  get my tubes tied for fear of her influence on my future daughters and flamboyantly gay sons.

make your decision wisely.

Brad Pitt sexifying Legends of th Fall

Before there was Brangelina,

There was dirty, rugged Tristen Ludlow and a curly haired brunette.

Crazed youtube fanatic, Ljay211986 remembers just as well as I do. So celebrate Wednesday by watching Brad Pitt hump away at Susannah’s virgin pocket. I am sure that Ljay211986 sync’d up the naked fun to a good-old fashioned Celine Dion tune that will naturally distract and confuse you so you might want to turn down the volume.

They’re old!

They’re broke!

…and they’re going on tour!

Before Tommy Chong put his brand of crack pipes on the market, he made movies about doing drugs and loving it. Now that he’s out of the slammer, he is ready to pair up with his piggy friend {Cheech} for a national comedy tour called, “What’s that Smell?”

The first time I ever smoked a blunt I was sitting in a 1988 Gremlin with a very heavyset friend I had named Ashlynn and our shady hispanic drug dealer, Eduardo. On the way home I opened the door of the car while it was driving, took off my t-shirt, and laid on the sidewalk next to an elementary school because, ” I needed to put my belly on the concrete, dude”

There was something in that shit.

my 1990’s Man Meat Countdown

Give  me A.C. Slater in a hypercolor muscle shirt and I will vomit from the excitement.

Without further adeu,

MY FAVORITE 90′S BEEFCAKES:

10. “WHEN I TALK TO LAURA SHE CREAMS IN HER PANTIES BECAUSE I AM JUST SO DAMNED SMOOTH. “

STEFAN URQUELLE

9. “WE DON’T POUND EACH OTHER’S BUTTHOLES WE JUST LIKE TO WORK OUT A LOT AND WATCH SPORTS IN BETWEEN TEARIN’ UP THE PUSSY, OF COURSE”

A.C. SLATER

AND OUR FAVORITE PREPPY BED-WETTER,

ZACK MORRIS

8.”MY COCK IS THE SIZE OF A FUCKING KEILBASA AND I DEFINITELY WANT TO BANG YOU WITH IT”

MARKY MARK

7. DUMB-AS-A-ROCK

JOEY LAWRENCE

6. OUR VERY OWN LOW-RENT BATMAN..

ANGEL

5. SEXY SCIENTIST TYPE AND RESIDENT SOFT-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN

DR. SAM BECKET

4. THE BIGGEST AND THE BEST OF ALL MOTORCYCLE DRIVING, 40-YEAR-OLD HIGHSCHOOL STUDENTS

LUKE PERRY.

3. “MY VEST IS ALWAYS OPEN AND 40 YEAR OLD BITCHES LOVE THAT SHIT”

HERCULES

2. ALL THE WAY FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS,

PACEY WITTER

and finally our #1 tortured, ” I secretly never learned how to read and my home life is dog shit” 90’s babe……

JORDAN CATALLANO

Lesbians can fight about taxes too!

It is with great pleasure that I announce,

Celebrity Lesbian Wedding Announcement #2

Every time a lesbosaurus gets married an Angel gets a pair of Birkenstock sandles and 4 earth-tone polo shirts.

-Belafonte