Quantum Creep

 

BAKULA: HOT PIECE or 50 YEAR OLD MAN THAT ONLY I AM ATTRACTED TO?

Here’s the thing, Scott Bakula deserves to be talked about at least once every 7 months . Sure, Quantum leap was over about 8 years ago and none of the actors have really done anything but fat lines of blow and low-budget made-for-TV movies since the series cancelation in 1996

BUT HEY, he’s Dr. Sam Beckett

and no one is bumpable like Dr. Sam Beckett .

He’s the kind of guy who would slip his hand around your neck and caress the soft spot behind your ear before looking at you as if to say, ” you are so fucking beautiful that looking at you makes me feel like our souls are dancing together in an ocean of love and chocolate”

Now, I am not completely sure which Learn to love your Partner instructional VHS this screen shot came from. All I can infer is that Dr. Sam Beckett is sensual and also hairier than any generic, deadly half-man half-monster creature.

 

I will say that I saw the BAK once at the Madrid on Sherman Way which is the kind of theater where the florescent marquee has 4 bulbs burnt out and the ticket counter is jam-packed with hateful sickly looking he/shes that wear too much black eyeliner.

My girlfriend and I were celebrating our 3 month anniversary by taking in the sexually-charged, nazi song and dance spectacular:

CABARET.

Bakula was sitting in the lobby with 4 elitist boogers talking about how flat the singers were and how,” it was just so awful to sit through that wretched rendition of blablablablabla something else pretentious” This experience made me decide that Scott Bakula is less of a 90’s babe and more of a washed up 2004 Snobberson McCock.

 

But just to put it out there…

I would blow his 50 year old dong.

 

 

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my 1990’s Man Meat Countdown

Give  me A.C. Slater in a hypercolor muscle shirt and I will vomit from the excitement.

Without further adeu,

MY FAVORITE 90′S BEEFCAKES:

10. “WHEN I TALK TO LAURA SHE CREAMS IN HER PANTIES BECAUSE I AM JUST SO DAMNED SMOOTH. “

STEFAN URQUELLE

9. “WE DON’T POUND EACH OTHER’S BUTTHOLES WE JUST LIKE TO WORK OUT A LOT AND WATCH SPORTS IN BETWEEN TEARIN’ UP THE PUSSY, OF COURSE”

A.C. SLATER

AND OUR FAVORITE PREPPY BED-WETTER,

ZACK MORRIS

8.”MY COCK IS THE SIZE OF A FUCKING KEILBASA AND I DEFINITELY WANT TO BANG YOU WITH IT”

MARKY MARK

7. DUMB-AS-A-ROCK

JOEY LAWRENCE

6. OUR VERY OWN LOW-RENT BATMAN..

ANGEL

5. SEXY SCIENTIST TYPE AND RESIDENT SOFT-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN

DR. SAM BECKET

4. THE BIGGEST AND THE BEST OF ALL MOTORCYCLE DRIVING, 40-YEAR-OLD HIGHSCHOOL STUDENTS

LUKE PERRY.

3. “MY VEST IS ALWAYS OPEN AND 40 YEAR OLD BITCHES LOVE THAT SHIT”

HERCULES

2. ALL THE WAY FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS,

PACEY WITTER

and finally our #1 tortured, ” I secretly never learned how to read and my home life is dog shit” 90’s babe……

JORDAN CATALLANO